Nikolai Volkoff

As a kid, I (Matt) used to watch professional wrestling every Saturday morning. Then, would practice the moves by jumping on to the bed with one, semi-furious elbow. I put a lot of pain into that bed.

One of the "Villains" who wrestled was named Nikolai Volkoff. He was an Evil Soviet who was most famous for singing the Soviet National Anthem before a match. There must have been thousands of other ten year old kids who could sing the Soviet National Anthem.

So, why is this of note? Because we'll be neighbors. Well, not house neighbors, office neighbors. There's a gym opening above the office where I often work, North of Baltimore and he'll be one of the trainers.

When he sees me, I may be sporting the same outfit he wears in the following classic video. Except mine will be purple and I will ridicule him in Vietnamese instead of Russian. Get a load of the OTHER guy in the video. Blondie says he has ten thousand dollars to pay Nikolai so he'll break another wrestler's arm. I think he should pocket the ten large, get a haircut and put on some pants. And watch Blondie totally haul off and punch Nikolai's chest at minute 1:20. That's the kind of force only my childhood bed knows.

A photo album of Aimee's car, by Mont. County government

Our local government Montgomery County has a great service. They actually take pictures of your car and create a photo album. They then send you a notice in the mail with login information so you can see it. That's swell of them, right? Not when you learn that it's because you've been speeding.

I thought it was a shame to waste such nice photos, so you can take a look at their work below:



I wish I could find out how they center a picture so well because I have no ability when it comes to this skill. From the looks of the picture, it does not appear that the car was speeding. It looks like I pulled in that little area and slowed down so the camera could take the best shot. I could argue that in court, justified by the fact that I think Aimee's car is Style-ing and the automatic picture taking computer went crazy for a moment in awe of it and just had to snap some pics. Or I could just pay the fine and move on because I don't have the free time. Plus, I learned long ago that it's a rough go if you ever try to fight The Man.

Oh well, I guess that's why the guys at the Car Club call me The Cruiser. If you get this movie reference and your first name is not Patrick, then I have a dollar and a high five for you.

Winter doldrums

(Matt)

This is the time of year where not much happens. Here in Maryland, the winter is just short enough so that the people tend to wait it out rather than spend much time outside. Though this is true, I am outside numerous times each day because of the dogs.

In the spirit of celebrating the time of the year when there's not much activity, I give you one of Aimee's favorite songsters. From Texas, of course.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Special!!

I love you. . . and your pancakes are ready.

Pizza Palace Remembered

I (Matt) haven't thought much of my college years since I graduated, but my new job brings me very close to my Alma Mater, Towson University, at least a few times a week. If it weren't for my college experience, random references to the area where I often work today in 2008, would go unnoticed.

Since I used to live and study near the Timonium MD office (for my current job) which brings me to one of my colleagues who mentioned "Pizza Palace" yesterday. I know Pizza Palace. In fact, I worked there briefly back in 1991.

Pizza Palace was the place where all the college students would visit after drinking one or 27 beers. They would yell their order and proceed to eat, scream, fight, throw food, throw up, and generally do all the nasty things college students tend to do. Pizza Palace was the place for someone to study in order to write a comprehensive book on Health Code Violations. Just uttering the name would cause Rats to sweat nervously and Cockroaches make the sign of the cross.

I can only convey my Pizza Palace experience with a short story. I was working one Tuesday night behind the counter, taking orders and cooking food. I was adorned with a Red Pizza Palace Tee Shirt, A Red Pizza Palace Baseball Cap, and a large, dirty white apron. Around 1:00 am, the kids streamed in.

"Get me a meat ball sub and quick, punk!" "I want a Pizza....now!"

I then saw a friend of mine who is quite the wise @##. I thought to myself: Great. I thought that since he was so drunk, that he wouldn't notice me in my Halloween costume, dressed like a guy who worked in a Pizza Parlor.

Me: Can I help you?

Unnamed friend: "Yeah..I'll have a large pizza, a large fries.." he squints his eyes...looks confused..looks away..looks back.."ROGERS?.....Is that you? ROGERS????"

Me: Yes..it's me. What can I get you.

Him: "Heeeeeyy..Rogers..You work at Pizza Palace? Pizza Palace???"

Me: Yes. I work at Pizza Palace. Now what do you want.

Him: He proceeds to retrieve all the people who he is with, bring them in front of me and begins pointing at my like I am some time of lab experiment run amok. "I KNOW THIS GUY! Look at him, he's working at Pizza Palace! Just look at him!" Laughter, smirks, condescending glances, giggles. If it were a movie, I'd have a lone tear down my cheek.

About two days later, I was walking to class in the warm sunshine, with a spring in my step, ready to absorb all that knowledge. There were hundreds of student milling about and socializing.

The music stops. "HEEEYYYY....PIZZA PALACE! What's up Pizza Palace!" I look over to see my friend along with a group of other people I knew. "ROGERS WORKS AT PIZZA PALACE!"

The following is dead true. For the next two years, this same guy forgot my real name. He only referred to me from then on.....as "Pizza Palace."

The funny thing about the position at this restaurant was that it was one of the more normal jobs I had during college. I could go on about the others, but I am out of time..

Music and Lyrics

Not too long ago, Aimee and I watched a movie title "Mysic and Lyrics." It's really silly. Hugh Grant stars as a former 80's Pop Idol who milks his former glory by playing amusement parks and high school reunions for people who graduated around that time period. For anyone who remembered the 80's along with it's Music, you know how light-hearted and goofy it seems now. The music in the movie is spot on in terms of its...well..Music and Lyrics.

Anyway, there's a scene in the movie where Hugh Grant's character is playing a high school reunion. The 30 ish ladies are brought back to their teen years and act as such. Hugh's character does not disappoint. So, how does this relate? At minute 2:01 of the following video, Hugh busts out what I call a Hip Thrust Motorcycle Revving Love Spasm. And Aimee, when asked, can mimic it enough to make me laugh. The movie itself is fairly fun to watch if I must say. So, if you dare, enjoy the following...

From my Favorites folder

I (Matt) seldom bookmark sites. When I do, I don't often visit them. The following are sites that may be a bit strange, but at one time I found them interesting.

1.) China's Mystery Mummies. 2000 years before the baby Jesus, a group of people lived in China. The funny thing is that they weren't Chinese. They were of Celtic origin. It's a mystery that European mummies were found so far from Europe thousands of years ago.

http://www.giftofireland.com/Articlethree.htm



2.) A Youtube Video. It's a commerical from the 70's about a Worker's Union called AFSCME. When I saw it, I howled laughing. PLEASE don't view it if you are offended by foul language.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3mw49mk_x0


3.) Written eye witness accounts of history

http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/eyindx.htm

4.) Urban Travel Guide to DC

http://gridskipper.com/travel/washington-dc

5.) The Last Supper Painting in crazy detail, allowing you to Zoom in wherever you want

http://www.haltadefinizione.com/en/cenacolo/look.asp

6.) Old Timey Family photos

http://www.squareamerica.com/s7.htm

7.) Eternal Sunset

The sun is always setting somewhere in the world. Someone has proven this.

http://eternalsunset.net/index.php

Debbie Downer

I was speaking with a co-worker yesterday. He's lamenting the fact that he's turning 30 this week and has to spend the whole weekend at a marriage counseling session, from Friday night to Sunday, bunking in a dorm with other would-be grooms, sharing one bathroom. Though I did empathize with him in that it must be a drag to spend the whole weekend proving that one is ready for marriage, I put the most positive twist possible on it.

I then shared my "wisdom" about turning thirty (and being married): I said to him: "I am much happier with my life after I turned thirty and being married, than when I was in my 20's and single."

His response: "This is because you have less time to live on the planet and you feel that you have to enjoy the little time you have left."

After I laughed at him, I called him "Debbie Downer" and asked him if he's ever seen the SNL skit. He said he hadn't. So, this is for anyone who hasn't seen it.

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/#mea=32806

The Mad Greek Diner Man

I watched the movie "Rounders" this evening. It's one of those movies that I can watch again and again and I don't know why. Anyway, it's set in New York. One scene depicts a card game in a Greek Diner in NYC. One Greek Diner guy says to another:

F$@# meeee? F#@ Ayoooou! (pardon the language)

This reminded me of a story from right after I moved to New York. The story includes blue language (which is inferred, not written). So if blue language offends you, please stop here.

When I moved to New York, I didn't have a job. I initially had considerable free time on my hands in Astoria, Queens. Astoria is traditionally known as a Greek neighborhood. There are Greek Delis, Greek Supermarkets, and a lot of Greek People sauntering about, gesticulating, sipping coffee and yelling at each other (for them, it's just talking).

Which brings me to George. George was the Greek owner of a Greek Diner on my block. Since I was unemployed, I went to George's Diner every day for a Greek Salad with extra anchovies. When you walked through the door of George's Deli, you were now in George Land, where George was King. George talked to everybody. George always talked (yelled). George never took any flack from anyone. In fact, whenever a customer would event hint of giving him a hard time, George would make a scene, yelling like a crazy man with dramatic hand gestures. There was only one law in this Diner: be respectful to George or George will silence you by causing a scene and threatening life banishment from his diner. Of course, every time this would happen, I would put down my paper, fixate my eyes on the scene and pray that I would not collapse in laughter. I liked George.

For example, the breakfast special ended at 11:00 am. If you ordered the special at 11:01 a.m., George would respond with disdain, shock and fury. On one particular Sunday, and elderly man (George didn't discriminate) demanded the breakfast special after 11 am. After the elderly man continued to pester him, George proceeded to do the following: He bean to unbuckle his pants and while doing so, said:

Shoooda I pull down my pants for you too?? What else do you want from me? Shoulda Eye take down my pants????

When I frequented the Deli, I often wore a black windbreaker-type jacket , so George thought I was some type of law enforcement man.

George: Ayy, where u frawm.

Me: Washington, DC.

George: U a cop? You gotta thatta blacka jacket. You looga lika cop. You CIA?

Me: No, not a cop. I am actually looking for a job.

George (sarcastically): Suuure yoo are a Mister Washingdun Dee Cee. Mr. CIA. Washoo want, Mr. Washingdun Deee Cee CIA.

Me: I'm not a cop. I'll have a Greek Salad with extra anchovies.

George: Yu got it, Mr. Washingdun Dee Cee CIA FBI. (wink wink wink).

Every time I walked in his Diner from then on, George would greet me by yelling: Heeeeey, Mister Washingdun Dee CIA Man! There was no problem with this but since he yelled it out, whoever was in ear shot would drop what they were doing and look straight at me. Earshot for George covered the whole diner and probably the hospital rooms across the street.

One day, there was a "mentally unstable" lady seated at the counter while I was at a table, eating a Greek Salad with extra anchovies. This lady was textbook: long gray hair, mangy clothes and surrounded by bags. She was chattering on at George. As went on, she became abusive. She began to yell and the volume of her voice began to rise. George maintained his composure:

George: Yes Janice. Okay Janice. No problem. I am trying to help you, Janice.

I began to feel a little bad for George and resentful of the lady. After what happened next, I was quickly reminded where I was: George Land.

After a long sentence of senseless yelling, the lady made a big mistake.

Lady in squeaky crazy lady voice: F$@$# yooou.

(Mee: newspaper slowly lowering down revealing my surprised eyes, thinking: Ohhhhh noooo.)

George, turns around and yells: F#@#$ Meeeeeeeeeeee??????? F#$@@ Yoooooooooou!!!!!

Even the crazy lady knew she made a big mistake because she immediately began to yell out:

Am Sorry! An Sorry! I won't do it again! I sweaaar!

Too late. George dramatically banished her from his domain. After she was gone, George proceeded to tell me her life story with considerable empathy. He didn't feel good about what what had just occurred. Though he may have been gruff, George was a good man. If it weren't for the foul language, I think it may have turned out differently. Knowing George, I wouldn't be surprised if he let her back in sometime later.

The best part about this story occurred about two weeks later. I was in the Diner with my friend Luke. In front of George, I retold the story. As I told the story, I began to impersonate the banished lady in her squeaky voice with the "Eff U" included. I then reached down into a deep place within myself, and performed, word for word, my best impersonation of George, in front of George, gesticulations included:

fff@%%$ Meeee? F%#$$ Yoooou!


For the next five minutes, George proceed to laugh as hard as anyone I have ever seen laugh in my life, tears included.

Okay Mister Washingdun Dee Cee, Maybe you are nodda cop.

Happy New Year

Aimee spent NYE with her family in Good Ole Texas. I am sorry I could not make it down there and hope to see the Stevenson Clan soon. It's been too long. Anyway, I spent a quiet NYE with the family at Dogfish Brewery in Gaithersburg Maryland. I ate like a pig. Later, I welcomed 2008 with Darla and Ginny.



Here are some pics from Christmas:

Aimee opening up Secret Santa gift.

Matt and Aimee.